Connection Starts Inside: The Relationship That Shapes All Others
When we think of human connection, we tend to think about the relationships we have with others. But true connection begins with the relationship we have with ourselves.
What do we actually know about ourselves?
How well do we like ourselves?
Who are we, really, at our core?
It’s through this inner connection that we learn to show up as our authentic selves—and from there, form meaningful relationships with others.
No one ever really teaches us how to do that.
We’re taught communication skills, interpersonal behavior, how to be curious about others, how to be better listeners. But where have we learned how to talk to ourselves? To get to know ourselves? To own who we are—or most importantly, how to love ourselves?
Why does this inward connection matter so much?
Brené Brown says it best:
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
In other words, the quality of the relationships we have with others—often the source of our sense of belonging—can never exceed the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves.
People—the right people—are drawn to authenticity.
But how can you show up authentically if you don’t know who you truly are?
When my daughter-in-law encouraged me to start teaching human connection—because so many people have forgotten, or never learned how—it caused me to look back on my own journey.
That’s when I realized that my path into human connection started with getting to know myself. Owning who I am. Learning to love that person—flaws and all.
From there, my relationships deepened in a way I never expected.
It started with identifying my core values.
At the time, I was on the leadership team for a company with clearly defined core values. I watched the president weigh decisions against them constantly, and it made me think:
If a company has core values, shouldn’t I?
I started with faith, adventure, and love.
From there, I explored what made me happy.
What I was good at.
What I genuinely enjoyed—regardless of what anyone else thought.
For example, my ex-husband used to make fun of me for watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. He’d say it was for old people—just look at the ads—and I’d feel embarrassed.
But when I really looked at it, I realized two things:
It was nostalgic—I used to watch with my grandparents
I genuinely enjoy solving puzzles and answering questions - even trivial ones
Once I saw that clearly, I didn’t need to justify it anymore. I just liked it.
Then came acceptance.
I had to acknowledge the things I didn’t like about myself and get honest about what I could—and wanted—to change, versus what I needed to accept.
Here’s the truth: acceptance is always the first step.
You can’t change anything until you’re willing to see it clearly and accept that it’s there.
For example, I consider myself a little quirky and socially awkward. Not everyone sees that, but I feel it.
Instead of trying to hide it, I chose to own it—and even laugh at it.
And I still remember the first time someone called me “genuine.”
It was confirmation that showing up as my quirky, awkward self was enough.
When you know who you are—and you like and accept that person—you stop feeling the need to explain yourself or shape-shift into what you think others expect.
You become more grounded.
More honest.
More you.
And from that place, the quality of your interpersonal relationships naturally improves.
You’re better able to set boundaries.
And to recognize who belongs in your life—and who doesn’t.
I recently heard a lyric that said something like:
“Find your people and you’ll find yourself.”
I disagree.
Find yourself—and you’ll find your people.
If this is something you’re working on—learning to better understand yourself, trust yourself, and show up more authentically—I do this work with my clients every day.
You can learn more about my coaching HERE.
